Thursday, December 28, 2006
Update

I haven't been on here forever I don't think anyone actually reads this anymore but still. My life has changed dramaticlly I dropped out of high school got my ged and had a baby he was born May of 06' I love him to death and now I live my life for my son and only my son. I have had some bumpy relationships these past years and they dont seem to be getting better. I did start seeing Josh for a little while but I cheated on him like an idiot and before I could patch things up I left for Italy so that screwed me over we talk from time to time and I still love him very much but I guess it was not meant to be. I just wish he could know how I feel, but its to late. My priorities are diffrent now. I'm a stay at home mom for the time being it was difficult to work and have a baby. I will be going to phlebotomy school so I can stick people with needles way exciting lol. Well I promise to update more on this.

Posted at 07:02 pm by ChUlItA
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Saturday, September 25, 2004
I hate this

why do guys have to say call me cause we need to talk how bout just out and say it right then and there your breaking up with me i know it already but know you gotta be a puss and do it on the phone or online or whatever urgh i hate it i hate it i hate it maybe i should start dating girls there a lot less work ahhhhh im soooooo pissed

Posted at 03:13 pm by ChUlItA
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Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Long Ass Time

Sorry i havent updated ive been pretty busy watchin more n more of my friends get buried n all well other than that not much has been goin on except all you fckers have to go back to school and i dont hell yeah well just thought id let everyone know that im still alive and kickin ttyl
Carmen

Posted at 08:26 pm by ChUlItA
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Thursday, July 08, 2004
Its 10:30p.m.

yeah so its 10 30 ish and i cant sleep worth shit and it sux hella bad its really retarted i cant wait to move out of this house and be on my own and independant god i wish that was today so yeah well life sux but whose doesnt im extremly bored and i have to get up hella early tomorrow and i just cant seem to sleep so im gonna be rablin on here for a while and whatever lalalalalalalalalalala see look at this im gonna go insane like no other ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i wanna rip out my hair well yeah so yeah hello how are you i am just fine how bout yourself i am terrific thanks for asking ok ok bye bye
sorry having an odd moment well i need to go and sleep bye
Carmen

Posted at 10:43 pm by ChUlItA
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Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Yeah

I actually had a pretty good weekend im still wanting to move out of this house to much drama here and i was talkin to my aunt kathys life partner Michelle and she was tellin me how the Childrens cabniet helps people like me get housing and cars and helps them pay for it for the first two years and helps them get settled and offers scholorships for tmcc and stuff im gonna go check it out tomorrow and they also have this thing called tds (teens doin stuff) where you do community stuff and also they have free counselers and a lot of teens go and talk about the kinda sh*t there going through and they meet on wensday nights so yeah
well i gotta bounce and really tired
Peace
Carmen

Posted at 09:44 pm by ChUlItA
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Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Dayz

why cant people just stay out of my buisness so what if i write something up here like i do they are just my thoughts not my god damn actions i write stuff so that people understand and give me some feed back on stuff ya know so i dont act upoin anything i just need to get my fellings out so ne wayz as most of you know im dating Anthony and i couldn't be happier when im with him everything makes sense and hes there to listen and talk to he just understands me its terrific i love him to death i hope this one works out well thats all i have to say for now
Carmen

Posted at 11:47 am by ChUlItA
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Sunday, June 06, 2004
Wishing

I really wish I could just stop my life. I know that it would hurt a lot of people, but I'm just getting to that point again where I just don't give a fuck what any of you say. You could all just rot in hell for all I care. I feel so hopeless its not even funny. I just feel like this big burden to my aunt and I feel that she really wish I just never came into her life. I am so lost and filled with so much anger and torment and frustration. I've gotten to that point again where the simpilest things are said to me and I just want to lash out. And I do then I get yelled at for being mean to my cousins and it makes me even madder. I really don't understand whats going on with me. I don't know what to do
Carmen

Posted at 06:14 pm by ChUlItA
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Saturday, June 05, 2004
Poem

I haven't written one in a while so i thought i would.
You say you love me unconditionaly.
You love me as God loves everyone
I hope one day you can learn to show that love
Before I stop talking to you to
You say I am your gift from God
If I was really would you treat me the way you do
How can someone love me so much when they can't love themselves
You make me feel like I am the adult
You treat me like I can never amount to anything
How can you say one thing to me and respond in a completely
diffrent way.
I want to be my own person but I don't have your support behind me.
I feel trapped wherever I go
There is no freedom here
Just more control
I ask you again
How can you love me like you say you do
When you have no love for yourself
I try to tell you how I feel
Just to let you know
Your always asking me whats wrong
When I finally tell you
All you do is say that you've done everything to me
I know that you did'nt have to take me in like you did
Now I sit here and think
I really wish you didn't
Everything is one sided to you
I know your the adult but it sure doesn't seem that way
You can't even pay our bills on time
Yet when you want something you know we can't afford you buy it
You get mad and frustrated at me when I ask for something
I'm at a loss now
I don't know what to do
I can't help you
Your as lost in your depression
As I am
You don't know up from down
You can't think clearly
Your mind gets hazy to
You tell me to be safe
Well what about you??

Posted at 09:34 pm by ChUlItA
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Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Josh

yeah this happend a while go but ive been busy with other to stuff to write this in. last week i saw Josh and instead of avoiding him like i always do i went up and i talked to him. I was scared but i did it and it wasn't that bad. we talked and i guess he moved to cali that sux but i gave him my number again so he can call me or whatever he hasnt but thats ok its not like im gonna be waiting by the phone im not desperate plus i have Anthony now so yeah well I got to go to school now yuck i hate finals but (ITS OK MAN BURRITO <~~ I will always miss you Gavin May 24, 2004)
Carmen

Posted at 06:14 am by ChUlItA
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Tuesday, May 25, 2004
R.I.P Gavin May 24, 2004

Today was a good day until Patrica called me. Gavin killed himself last night. His parents found him at 1:30 this morning. I don't understand why he did it I'm so full of emotion its crazy. He was a really great guy. The last thing I remember is him skipping to his car from youth ministry. Laura wants us to sing at the funeral on Fri at 2:30 its gonna be very emtional. Well I need to go
Carmen

Posted at 06:09 pm by ChUlItA
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